COLIN GREEN | Planning a funeral service

Most funeral services take place at a crematorium, where time is restricted.  The amount of time allocated for a service varies from place to place, but in this region it tends to be between 20 and 40 minutes. However, a lot of precious things can be done and said in that amount of time. It is my task to assist you in planning the service to make the very best of the time available. Service books are available which contain traditional services to suit all aspects of the Christian church, and these can be used if that is your wish. On the other hand, if you would prefer me to work with you to plan something you feel would be more suited to you and your loved one, there are many aspects we can consider together. For example:
 

Funeral service suggestions

  1. Welcome and farewell music:  perhaps something that reminds you of your loved one: a favourite singer, musician, composer, theme, or a Christian belief that was important to your loved one. The music can be live, played by a professional organist, or CDs can be used if you prefer; these can be provided by you or by your funeral director, or I may be able to supply what you need from my own collection.
     
  2. Welcome:  it is important to help people to be at ease as much as is possible under the circumstances; you may like me to welcome by name, key family and friends who will be there.
     
  3. Sharing treasured memories:  it's the time to cherish the life of your loved one. You may like to provide me with key facts and stories to share, or write something for me to read out on your behalf. Alternatively you may wish family or friends to speak in honour of your loved one. If family members do feel able to participate in the service it invariably makes it more personal and special, but this suggestion may not suit every family.  For more on this, see Sharing treasured memories.
     
  4. Songs and hymns:  for some, singing at a funeral is the last thing they feel ready for. Others may find it very uplifting and honouring, both to the memory of a loved one and to God. Perhaps you might want to choose a song that meant a lot to your loved one or to members of the family. Some families choose traditional hymns; others choose songs memorable from School assemblies. If you'd like to hear a Christian song at the service, but don't feel up to singing, it may well be possible to arrange for live music to sing and play to you.  This would either be a husband and wife duo, where the husband accompanies on gentle acoustic guitar, or I would be happy to sing and play myself, also with acoustic guitar accompaniment and possibly with a lady harmonising alongside me.  If you wish a 'taster' of these options could be given in your home in order to help you to decide what is best. Click on Songs, hymns, prayers, poems for more suggestions.
     
  5. Poems and readings:  there are very many helpful verses which can be read from the Bible, in modern or traditional language. Poems can also be read. Click on Songs, hymns, prayers, poems for some suggestions of both spiritual and non-spiritual resources.
     
  6. Reflection and prayer:  you may wish to have a brief time of silence in which those present can recall their own cherished memories of your loved one; on the other hand, silence may be difficult for you and best left for another time. Prayers can be formal and read from a prayer book if required; equally, as God is our Heavenly Father and always welcomes our conversation, you might wish me to lead in prayer using more everyday language about what has happened and how you feel about it.
     
  7. Farewell:  for most of us this can be the hardest part of the service. At a cremation the question arises whether to request that the curtain be closed or left open and the coffin remain in place until the congregation has left the chapel.  By tradition, the curtains close at a cremation, as the words of committal are spoken and families who choose this option usually find that the drawing of the curtains helps to bring a more definitive closure to the service.  Some families, however, prefer not to close curtains on their loved one, leaving the possibility for family and friends to come up to the coffin and pay their last respects in the way they find most helpful at the close of the service.  In any event, the coffin will remain in place until everyone has left the chapel and the funeral directors have been able to remove the flowers and any other items, such as a photograph, which may have been placed on the coffin during the service.  At a burial, it may be difficult for some when the coffin is lowered into the grave, but equally it can bring a sense of completion and peace to the service. We can discuss how you wish this to be done.
     
  8. Gifts in honour of your loved one:  you may wish to invite family and friends to make gifts to a charity in honour of your loved one. Your funeral director can arrange for a suitable receptacle to be placed by the door as the congregation leave, and this opportunity can be mentioned at the beginning of the service so that people can be prepared for it.